Thursday, December 19, 2013

Inward Struggle

I recently enjoyed hearing this song for the first time on Xfactor a week, or so ago.  It affected me very deeply.  Probably in a way that it wasn’t written but I took it inward; an inward struggle that I’ve warred with for years now, not to mention intolerance for being healthy.  A battle so close that I’m still not sure if light will prevail.  I flip-flop so often with my multiple Gemini personalities, my natural white witch vs. my more powerful wicked witch.  My gentle and peaceful eternal soul vs. my darkness that would utterly destroy and come to an abrupt end.  
After slight tears and a few taps on the rewind button, I headed up to my sleeping husband and touched the expression lines on his peaceful face and thanked him for being my General in this battle.  We truly share the most pure and defend against the most evil. Most of the time I wish for a gray that the moon and exes could not sway. Thank you my husband and literal hero, for pushing me to stay strong and for teaching me all that I am worth.  Thank you my Jeremy.
Inward struggle

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Original Music and Lyrics: “Say Something” by A Great Big World

Spoiled by Enayla
Into Your Eyes by Enayla

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


My Wendy,

You are such an amazing woman.  I am such a fortunate man to have you in my life, let alone now as my dear, sweet wife.   You are my Venus, a goddess of perfect beauty.  Indeed, I am married to the most beautiful woman to have ever been born on this Earth and I would venture to say the universe... my Eve.

My soft and delicate rose.  So fragile and frail of health.  I am honored to be the man to care for and protect such an elect daughter of God.  I will stand as your paladin of protection; your mighty centurion watching over you and caring for you in your infirm body.  When the doctors told me to be prepared that I had lost you, I pleaded God trade my life for yours.  I don't know if there is something special in me that God has preserved you for my sake, as you believe, but He has truly blessed me with a gift.    And I will honor His kindness and do marvelous things because of you, which was perhaps His design.  That is because you, Wendy, my beloved Wendy, the way you make me feel; by your simple smile, I can accomplish and overcome anything!  When you smile, dear Wendy, I am put in such a state of euphoria that nothing in this sad, cruel world has any power over me.  I have accomplished much because of you, my inspiration, and will accomplish the world for you.  And I, in turn, shall give you the world.

Your smile, your eyes...  When I look into your eyes I can see you, the true Wendy that no one else sees or knows, but God.  My Wendy!  Words cannot possibly describe how happy you make me... how special you are.  You are my best friend; from before time.  We have been linked with a unique bond that is inexplicable.  You fill my heart to overflowing!  The love that we share... what few could possibly have realized such a love!  Together we have experienced what writers, poets, and painters have only attempted to capture in prose, verse and canvas... a perfect oneness of being which I dare not attempt to explain further, for the divine sacredness of such a miracle.

I am honored and grateful to be your man.  I am one of few men who can say they truly comprehend the fullness of Joseph's sentiment when he boldly declared he would go to Hell for Emma, because surely, Heaven without you, my Wendy, would truly be Hell, no matter how great.

I love you dream-woman!!!

Your man, your best friend, your husband, and lover,